Chip was out with coworkers. He drank Jameson®.
Steph was there. The hottest girl at work.
“Hey Steph, can I get you a drink?”
“Thanks I’m fine.”
“Want go to the movies Friday?”
“No. Chip, I don’t like you like that.”
Chip punched Steph in the nose. “You like that?”
He wanted to loose weight. He started to exercise every morning: at 5:30 am he begins his workout. Then he had a light breakfast. Everyday he had a salad for lunch, and a soup for dinner. He quit drinking and partying. He lost three years of fun in a week.
It was a terrible horrible no good very bad day. The kind of day that makes you want to quit. Should I move to Australia? Better not, days like this happen, even in Australia. That’s what Alexander taught me. Except in the book, Alexander didn’t get a margarita before bed.
Where do I know that line? From one of those young reader books no?
(Looking down) I think my dick is too big.
(Seeing a $100 bill in the street) Ew I’m not picking up stuff in the street.
(To his girlfriend, after explaining the $100 bill story) It was dirty!
(To his roommate Mindy) Oh man you got tickets to the 12:05 Sex and the City 2? Count me in!!
(to his Storywriting teacher) Hey thanks for letting me use your motorbike last Saturday.
“This club is fucking awesome” Chuck thought. He saw a girl at the bar. She didn’t have pockets, a purse, or a bra on.
“Hey. I notice you didn’t bring any money, but you’re drinking a Cosmo. Weird.”
“Fuck off loser.”
Chuck knocked over the Cosmo, “Have a nice night.”
He typed a little bit and had eight words. Typed a little more and had sixteen.
“Not quite there yet,” he thought to himself.
He continued to type and type, until he was halfway there.
“Needs an ending,” he said thinking aloud.
Suddenly and without warning he spontaneously combusted.
Finished.
Beer beer everywhere yet not a drop to drink. Spray paint, glycerin, gelatin, salt. Lights camera action. Again and again. Third time’s a charm? Better try the fourth. Too much head or not enough? Light light light light light light light light light Everyone goes thirsty in beer bottle hell.
Nice use of the word “light”. Cheater. ;)
She woke up with the worst hangover ever. And a naked guy beside her.
“Hi”, he said.
“Hi”, she replied.
“Do you remember anything from last night?”
“No”.
“Are you friends of David?”
“No”
“Were you at Joe’s last night?”
“Yeah”.
“That place is amazing. We should go there sometime”.
awesome
Hey guys. Motorcycle stolen. Biking in. Will be late. Not sure by how
much. Depends how windy it is. See you soon.
Actually, (I’m really sorry)….my mind is elsewhere right now. I’m
going to have to reschedule. I’ll let you guys know. Really
sorry.
FaelanBlair.com
New look! Classic poor taste…
(yep. there’s 50.)
I’m not sure this counts as YOU writing a story, but very nice. lol.
Johnny traded his records for cassettes, then traded his cassettes for CD’s, then traded his CD’s for Mp3’s. When his apartment flooded, his computer crashed and his old collections were ruined. He decided the only thing left to do was sing, play guitar, and make some music of his own.
